The complete single mother : reassuring answers to your most challenging concerns / by Andrea Engber and Leah Klungness.

Acknowledgments
Introduction
pt. 1. The many faces of single mothers today
1. The heroic single mother
Our goddess history
You are not alone
Meeting the challenges head on
2. When You're a mother outside of marriage by chance
If your mate doesn't share your feelings
"My boyfriend can't make up his mind..."
Your partner left you
If your partner has problems
"I got pregnant from a brief affair..."
If your birth control didn't work
Special concern : rape
If you are in an abusive relationship
When abortion is not an option
Handling your feelings about motherhood outside of marriage
Deciding on the father's role
3. When you're a mother outside of marriage by choice
Are you ready for single motherhood?
"My family is unsupportive..."
"Mr. right (or Mr. Adequate) hasn't shown up..."
Tick tock : ovary anxiety
Meet the MOM's
Hold your head high
4. Choosing motherhood through donor insemination (DI)
If you've been in a relationship
To exit or stay?
If you're ready for motherhood but not wifehood
"My biological clock is ready to explode..."
Thinking it out
Dealing with discouragement
What exactly is DI?
Reasons for donor insemination
Issues : things to think about after you decide on DI
Consider going to the "bank"
Thinking carefully about all the costs
How about fresh sperm?
What to tell people
If you're in a lesbian relationship
5. Choosing motherhood through adoption
Why adoption may be right for you
Fertility frustrations
If you were adopted
How to get started
Types of adoption
What about the bonding process?
Is international adoption simpler than domestic adoption?
Tips for adopting a child from another country
Transracial and transcultural adoption
Adopting children with special needs
Legal aspects of private adoption
Planning for the costs
Adopting more than one
Expecting the perfect child
Mothering a deceased relative's child
Motherhood : the second time around
Preparing yourself and others
If something goes wrong
Your adopted child
Telling your child about adoption
When your child still doesn't know
Challenges to expect during your child's school-age years
6. Becoming a single mother through divorce
Parenting through divorce
If this was your first marriage
Not again!
What you may be feeling
Shedding the victim attitude
When you can't justify divorce
Does everything really belong to him?
Preparing for divorce
Consider a "divorce specialist"
How to select an attorney
Consider mediation
Annulments and gets
When he threatens to take the kids
Sex with your soon-to-be ex
What to tell everyone
What to tell no one
Recovering from divorce and growing beyond it
How to customize a life plan
Wedding rings and other leftovers
7. Widowed single moms
What you may be feeling
Warding off the grief police
Warding off inappropriate questions and comments
Facing your husband's belongings
Protecting your children from your private pain
Finding support and counseling
Knowing when to release the ghost
The young widow
Not quite a widow, legally
Missing his body and touch
Getting the help you need
Suicidal thoughts
When widow spells R-E-L-I-E-F!
Secrets and surprises : three scenarios
What to do if your spouse dies suddenly
Helping your children face the loss of their father
Surviving holidays and birthdays
Your changing social life
Dating and sex
Your first family venture without dad


pt. 2. Becoming your own best partner
8. Pregnant? Handling the news
Your test is positive, but he's not
If you thought your partner needed a "shove"
"My partner can't decide how he feels about my pregnancy..."
Have you ruined his life?
Riding the emotional roller coaster
Telling others you're pregnant
Family pressures and other realities
Letting go of the daddy fantasies
Handling last-minute anxiety about your decision
Your pregnancy and childbirth options
Childbirth methods and classes
For women only
Telling your doctor about previous abortions
If you're a midlife mom
Fibroids and age
When there's no man to dump the litter box
Is it safe for me to use an electric blanket?
Sexual desire during pregnancy
Special concern : if you miscarry
Feeling less alone on the big day
Managing your labor and delivery
Banking on cord blood
Will cesarean birth lead to less bonding?
Filling out the birth certificate
Establishing paternity
9. It's me and you, kid, starting out
The name game
Checklist of must-haves for baby's first year
If you have a cesarean section
Breastfeeding benefits
Worrying about doing the right thing
Babyproof your house now!
Be prepared for emergencies
Helping your baby learn to sleep through the night
If your baby cries round-the-clock
Ways to manage the crying
Dealing with postpartum depression
When the working mom has a problem with separation
Coping with the nighttime blues
Don't worry when baby says "Da Da"
10. Taking a closer look at you
It all begins with confidence
What exactly does confidence mean?
Your physical and emotional health
Time management
You are like a warehouse, stock up now!
Commit to yourself
The art of prioritizing and compromising
Partnership (with self) contract
Deciding what's important
"Does compromising mean I have to be a martyr?"
Increase your resources
Live in the here and now
11. Money matters
Change the way you look at money
The truth about the three major money myths
Combining assets doesn't necessarily mean combining hearts
You need to be the decisionmaker
"My ex-husband wants to pay my mortgage directly to the bank"
"My ex-husband is my handyman..."
"Just one last repair before I change the locks..."
Time is money
Getting your financial house in order
Increasing your assets
Fashion tips for the money conscious
Bankruptcy
If you need public assistance
Seeking other sources of help
Providing for your children if you should die
First things first : get life insurance
Find a qualified attorney
Selecting a guardian
12. Home economics, affordable, comfortable, and practical living
Changing your lifestyle
Simplify your life
Facing the fear of homelessness
Staying or moving?
Getting answers to your mortgage questions
Reasonable rentals
Subsidized housing
Homesharing
Buying a house with another family
When one family does too much
Cohousing
Moving in with your parents
Feng Shui for single moms


pt. 3. Raising great kids with confidence and courage
13. Child care basics
Those child-care myths
Reviewing your child-care options
How to find child care
Interviewing a nanny
Thumbs up
Child-care caution
The cost of child care
Dealing with separation anxiety
Parting with less sorrow
14. Parenting those ages and stages, the early years
Your baby
Toddlers
Toilet training
Preschoolers
Sleeping
Eating
Coping with food allergies
What should you do?
Fears
Discipline
Coping tools for dealing with anger
It's healthy to be self-caring
Special concern : teaching heritage to multiracial children
Help your child become a citizen of the world
15. As your child grows
Working with your child's school
Helping your child achieve success in school
Filling out school registration forms
Make a plan
Handling insensitive or unexpected remarks at parent-teacher conferences
More about you and the teacher
Child care for the school-age child
What can I do with a summer latchkey child?
The teenage years
Believe it or not : the teenage years are an exciting opportunity not to be missed
Teenagers need limits : be the adult that you are
Red flag : if your child's father has a history of substance abuse
Helping your child plan for the future
When it is time for a mom to have the big talk
Teaching a responsible attitude towards sex
When pets become all-important
16. Who's your daddy? What to say about an absent parent
Are you ready to talk about daddy?
Three tough questions
Why the daddy topic is so scary
Mistakes to avoid when discussing daddy
Should you ever lie?
If you are divorced or separated
When you and dad are still fighting
Why does dad pay more attention to his new girlfriend?
Why is he always with different women?
When the children are afraid dad will return
If dad left and hasn't returned
If you weren't married to your child's father
If you don't know the father's identity
If your child was adopted or conceived via donor insemination
If your child's father has passed away
17. The testosterone challenge, raising boys with no man around the house
The male aggression factor
The oedipal thing
Any dad is better than no dad
When there's no regular male role model
What a good male role model does
Where to find role models
What to do if your son likes to play dress-up
How to connect with your son as he grows
Raising a healthy son
18. Mothers and daughters, teaching the gift of self-reliance
Preparing your daughter for the future
How big a loss is it not to have a dad around?
When daddy does not seem to be missed
What happens to girls during adolescence
What's a mother to do?
Looking for role models
The myth about girls from single-parent homes
Will my granddaughter be promiscuous?
Should my daughter know I am sexually active?
When your little girl seems too interested in men
When teenage daughter has dates and mom doesn't
19. If your child has special needs
Traveling an unexpected road
When dad can't cope
Helpful resources for parents of children with special needs
What is special education?
How to be your child's best advocate
What is a 504 plan?
Consider a special needs trust
How to handle looks and comments
General advice for single moms of children with special needs


pt. 4. Your connection to the rest of the world
20. All about child support
A blessing or a broken promise
The state of child support
Should you seek child support?
Child support versus visitation
What about support outside of the United States?
How to begin
If you need help
When your feelings threaten to overwhelm you
Help in the toughest circumstances
21. What to know about custody and coparenting
Parenting together separately
Joint custody
Shared physical custody
Sole custody
Temporary custody
When to determine custody
Terminating parental rights
Why fathers seek custody
Learn your rights regarding custody
Child custody blackmail
When you can't agree about custody
Visitation
Drop-off centers
Breastfeeding and visitation
Unpredictable visitation
From visitation to custody for mom
Exploring coparenting
The six steps of coparenting
The transition from his house to yours
When your ex sets no rules or limits at his place
Can I withhold visitation?
Sharing discipline
22. The ex factor : handling him and your ex relations
The ex from hell
The nine most challenging ex-men!
When you ex behaves irresponsibly
When the kids are mad at you
What to do if your ex bad-mouths you to your kids
Resolve to forgive your ex, for the sake of your child
Dealing with your ex-relations
Fighting rejection
How to deal with former family members
When Grandma was your number one sitter
Facing aunts, uncles, cousins, and others
Holidays and celebrations
Dealing with your ex's family
When your child's father's family remains a mystery
Relating to your ex's new significant other
When the new girlfriend is a barrier between your child and your ex
If your ex is remarrying
How to help your kids' new stepmother
You're still the mom
23. A single mom's guide to sex and dating
How to feel less lonely
Observe your sexual needs
Find a creative outlet
If your kids worry that you'll be an Old Maid
The fear of being inept at dating
Reentering the dating world
It's okay to want a boy toy
When it's platonic, but your kids wish it was more
Best bets for meeting men
When your child embarrasses you
When friends fix you up
Dating a married man
Dating a man you suspect is gay
Dating your ex's best friend
Dating your best friend's ex
Dating another single parent
Should your new lover spend the night?
Don't fall for the myth of romantic love
Outgrowing the boy toy
Relationships and remarriage
Are you ready for the real thing?
Relationship strategies
When certain things start to bother you
Is this a man or a fix-up project?
Abusive situations
If your partner leaves
When a long-lost boyfriend returns
Helping the kids through your breakup
If your ex-boyfriend wants contact with your child
Blending families
From single parent to stepparent
Setting up house rules
24. Expanding your world
Balancing work and family
Continuing your education
What is distance learning?
Why is accreditation important?
What is a degree mill?
Are top search engine listings reliable?
Do your homework first
Earning college credit for life experience
Creating an extended family
Finding a spiritual home
Growing with your children
Try these special holiday experiences
So you want another child...
Afterword
Recommended reading
Index.